Carolina spring jumps into a swimming pool head first and glides her belly almost at the bottom painting a figure S, “just one more round to completion” her spirit says. She kicks the floor only to arrive back up to her back, gloating, looking at the white styrofoam ceiling. 

 

I wonder why no one is into you? I wonder why no one wants to befriend you. I wonder why everybody seems to lie to you? A thought rushes into save the day faster than lightening in a quickening way, “Sat Ta Na Ma.” Its not true!!

 

Stacy dives into the pool in her swimming costume, covered in fish. “They never mean to attack you,” those are your childhood wounds talking.

 

You sure about that Stacy? I’m a grown ass woman and he still can’t text back. Nah. Feels pretty real to me. 

 

"I’m not a psychologist but I’m sure everyone else is. Everyone else can see what’s wrong with you. That’s just the way this stuff works," Stacy let's out a cute laugh. 

 

"I want to strangle you fish,” carolina says. And so she does. 

"You can’t kill a part of yourself. Ill just come back to haunt you" 

 

"Perhaps you will. You’re just like all the time in my face, can you just leave me alone?"

 

Ok. 

 

"Whatever you say!" The fish swims away. And a strong sense of moral superiority returns. How can I go about living this way? 

I could drown. You never get out of the water. You practically live at the beach. 

 

"He forgives you. He just doesn’t want to get to know you," Cassandra thinks. 

Even if you drown I could still never shout. I was always too loud.

 

You demoralize me. What’s your goal? To Assassinate me? 

To explain myself, but you never listen. You always “think for yourself” because that’s how you taught me to be. 

 

I am frustrated with this story. I want to give up and work on something else. 

 

What is th’’’

 

“I want to drown the fish. I want to drown my hermana. I want to drown all of you. Christian said that’s how we know it was all true. He never wanted to do the things he said he wanted to do. All he wanted to do was fuck you, unwillingly. But she was willing and ready and wouldn’t accept visa, mastercard, or even express. 

Cash only the fish dealer says. 

And even after he scaled that fish it was no use, because even the fish too, liked a little abuse.” 

 

She throws herself a tantrum in a frenzy and doesn’t wake up until the fish is no more a fish and she finds herself lying at the bottom of the pool belly up in someone else's dream yet again.   

 

“It’s no use playing by these stupid rules. I should just be myself, and in fact I'm going to do just that - I hope I don’t get a text back into yesterday.” She tells herself.